Figuring out if you’re with the best person for you is sometimes hard. There are many relationships which are in a type of grey zone. They are not bad. Your partner respects you, doesn’t abuse you, is usually reliable, perhaps, meets all the criteria which you always said you would look for in a spouse. Yet at the same time, they are not great. You don’t feel over the moon and excited to be together. Perhaps your interests aren’t as aligned as you had hoped they would be, life together is either boring, or it’s good except for a few significant flaws which you tell yourself you could overlook for the sake of your relationship.
Sometimes we end up in this situation because we’ve been together for so long that we’ve lost sight of what made “us” special to begin with. Sometimes it’s because we don’t believe that we are worthy of a better relationship, and sometimes, we’ve just become so attuned to unhappy relationships that we can’t fully imagine a happy one. And just as often, we may be together, and we may both be good people individually, but we may not be the right people for each other.
If this is the case, it’s often helpful to examine each area of your lives together objectively in order to assess if you are with the right person for you. Here are some of the main signs which tell you that you are right for each other.
You Share Friends and Interests
You both have several shared passions and interests which you participate actively in together. Perhaps it’s a sport you play, a hobby or a volunteer organisation, but there is something in your lives which you love to do and which you make time for each week.
In addition to shared interests, you should also have a circle of shared friends. Are there friends from before who clicked with both of you? New friends you’ve made together?
In other words, your passions in life and your social circles should meet and merge enough for you to actually be sharing a life together. If they are not, then, there is a risk that you will grow further and further apart as time goes on.
You also have Independent Friends and Interests
Having shared friends and interests is great, but you need to remain essentially “you”. This means that there are going to be areas in your life where you are independent and pursue interests and have friends which go beyond the social group you have with your partner.
It’s a healthy situation as long as both of you have the same degree of independence and if you each understand and appreciate that doing so makes your partner a more interesting and complementary person to yourself.
You Experience Personal Growth
The right person for you will help you to grow in all areas of your life – spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and even physically. Your partner should see the potential in you, support you, be your cheerleader and help to create opportunities for you to grow as a person. It might involve attending religious services together, being there during all the tough times, encouraging you to write that book you’ve always felt you had in you, or being your exercise buddy and working out with you every week.
Healthy relationships are best demonstrated by personal growth in both partners. If you feel that you are less of a person than you were before your relationship, then it’s a sign which you should not ignore. You need to understand what’s holding you back. Sometimes, the cause could be external, but sometimes it could be that you’re just not in the right relationship for you.
You have the Same Financial Goals
It’s important to see eye to eye when it comes to money. Many perfectly wonderful relationships have not worked out because both partners could not agree on how they should spend, invest and save for the future. If you are thinking of being together for a long time and building a family together, it is important to share not only the same financial goals, but also the same financial attitudes and values.
You See a Future Together, and it’s a Good One
The right person is someone who isn’t afraid to commit to you and your relationship. It’s also a person with whom you can’t imagine a better life with. You make plans together, you imagine what your dream home will be like and you like the idea of having kids together. If you both feel this way and you are talking about your future together, it’s good sign.
Your Family and Friends Support Your Relationship
Notice how your family and friends react to your chosen partner. Are they happy to see both of you together? Do they include you as a couple at most events? Do they hope that you will have a future together? Your family and friends will always have your best interests at heart. If they think that you are with the right person for you, chances are, they could be right.
You Feel Happy Together, No Matter what You Do
This is the clincher. If all the above are met, and you still don’t feel happy together, then you really haven’t found the right person for you. You need to be happy doing even the most boring things together, because it’s the person who makes you happy and not the activity itself. If you can spend a whole afternoon cleaning out the front yard and feel energised after it, if car rides to work, grocery shopping, cleaning the garage and washing the cat are fun together then you know that you will be able to weather all the other mundane activities which will make up everyday life in the future.