Families For Life | Dealing with jealousy in marriage
Jealousy happens in every marriage. Even in healthy ones. It doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong or make you a bad spouse. However, when kept unchecked, especially when past relationships, insecurities, or comparisons take root in our minds, it can become damaging in the long run.
The good news is that, just like anything else, with a bit of self-awareness and teamwork, you and your partner can work through it together.
Understand where the jealousy is coming from
It’s important to locate the root of your jealous feelings. More often than not, jealousy stems from fear. The fear of losing your spouse, not being enough, or old emotional wounds from past relationships. Discuss these fears honestly and respectfully with your spouse. Talk about what you are feeling jealous of, and why, without assigning blame.
Set mutual boundaries if necessary
Jealousy is normal in a marriage. There will be situations that make you feel your marriage is being threatened, like an overly friendly co-worker or a job that takes your spouse away from spending time with you.
As always, communication is key. Talk about your feelings and set mutually agreed-upon boundaries that will make your marriage stronger. Whether it’s limiting contact with someone of the opposite sex or agreeing on date nights to spend quality time together away from work, the trick is to discuss these calmly to set boundaries and find solutions together.
It’s all about building trust
Trust grows when married couples are consistently honest and committed. Being clear about how you spend your time, staying faithful in your marriage, and keeping your word all help create a sense of security in the relationship, which can alleviate jealousy borne out of fear. When trust is nurtured day by day, jealousy slowly loses its grip, making way for reassurance, confidence, and an unshakeable marriage.
Jealousy can be a good thing… sometimes
It might surprise you, but jealousy can also be a motivator. In healthy relationships, a small dose of jealousy can actually be a sign that you care deeply about your partner and value the relationship. It can remind you not to take each other for granted, nudging you to be more attentive and dedicated to staying connected. It can even spark some healthy competition, such as getting fitter or growing in your career!
Know when jealousy becomes unhealthy
While occasional jealousy can be normal, jealousy without reason spells trouble for your relationship. If it's accompanied by extreme anger, unrealistic expectations, or unfounded accusations, it can cause emotional harm or worse. Watch for these warning “red flags”:
Explosive anger over imagined threats
Constant suspicion without evidence
Unreasonable rules or expectations of each other
Frequent accusations you or your spouse feel forced to defend against
Remember to still love each other
Ultimately, jealousy doesn’t mean that the ties that bind you are weak. It means the relationship matters. When you face it together with respect and love, it can actually deepen trust rather than break it. Your marriage isn’t defined by fear or jealousy. It’s defined by how you grow through it, together, and remember that you can always sign up for our Mini Marriage PREP Tips and enriching programmes when you need a little help along the way!