Families For Life | A Husband's Guide to Perimenopause
We’re here to talk about perimenopause. It’s a transformative period all women go through and a confusing time for men. As your wife navigates this unpredictable phase, her overall well-being, physical health, and emotional state will be affected. While it’s challenging for her, it’s also demanding for you who has to adapt to all these changes. We understand, and that’s why we have prepared this guide to help you through it!
You may be wondering , is perimenopause the same as menopause? They’re not quite the same, although they are closely related.
Perimenopause is the stage leading up to menopause and is a significant period in a woman’s life. During this time, your wife will experience changes in her menstrual cycles and hormonal fluctuations. This will cause her to “not feel like herself” and go through a myriad of unpredictable symptoms as she transitions to the final menstrual period. Once perimenopause is over, menopause follows, marking the end of menstruation and fertility.
It’s important to watch for signs of perimenopause to effectively support your wife through this transition. This will also help to avoid misunderstandings and create room for patience and understanding. Here are some things to look out for:
Rapid mood swings
Hot flashes and night sweats
Sleep problems
Vaginal dryness
Loss of libido
Weight gain
Dry skin
Thinning of hair
Loss of breast fullness
This awareness is a good start, but you’ll need more than that to help your wife through the transition. We’re here to help you! Here is the ultimate husband’s guide to perimenopause!
1. Don’t try to solve the problem
When your wife is having a hard time dealing with a plummeting self-esteem from changes in her appearance or feeling constantly exhausted, the best thing you can do is to avoid giving advice, but ask what you can do to help. This approach is more reassuring and allows her to rely on you. Unsolicited solutions or opinions can add to her stress, as they may be perceived as criticism or judgement.
So, instead of solving the “problem”, take the time to understand it. Listen to her and ask questions about her experience. Remember that this is an extremely personal experience for her so if she doesn’t want to share more, don’t press further. Sometimes, all she needs is a listening ear and someone to validate her feelings and experiences.
2. Encourage healthy lifestyle changes
Studies have shown that a healthy lifestyle can ease perimenopausal symptoms and improve moods. Help your wife maintain a balanced diet and get regular exercise by doing it together!
Trying out a new recipe together can be a great bonding experience. You could help by getting the ingredients and preparing the meal together with her. If that’s too much work or time, consider exploring new cafes or restaurants that offer healthy meals. Enjoying a light evening stroll while holding hands or going for weekly bicycle rides are also simple and enjoyable ways to get some exercise together.
3. Keep an open dialogue
This phase your wife is going through can indeed be stressful and tiring. She needs you to be her source of comfort and support now more than ever. You may not fully understand her experiences and she may also be confused by them so it’s important to maintain open communication. Find out what her needs are, share your concerns, and discuss how you can navigate this phase together.
As she goes through the changes, her self-confidence may waver, so keep reminding her that you are committed and will help her through it all. If she is struggling to cope and needs additional help, gently encourage her to see a doctor to look into various hormonal and non-hormonal treatments.
4. Don’t take things personally
This is probably one of the cardinal rules for all husbands during this period: if your wife is exasperated and struggling to communicate in healthy ways, don’t take it personally! As unfortunate as it may seem, you are just caught in the crossfire between her and her emotions.
Her physical and emotional symptoms can come in waves, sometimes rather unexpectedly, and she is also trying to navigate through turbulent seas.
Help her relieve some stress and take the pressure off by offering to help around the house! Being overwhelmed with the symptoms is not easy so this act of kindness is something she would appreciate.
This is also a good time to fine-tune your relationship and deepen your understanding of your wife. Take note of when she needs support, when she prefers to be left alone, and when it’s time to step away from an argument. It would be beneficial to discuss and agree on the best way to calmly address both of your feelings when things get tough.
5. Keep up the romance
As collagen decreases and metabolism slows, your wife may notice changes in her appearance that she finds challenging to accept. This can take a toll on her self-esteem, and it’s important to empathise with her and respect any new-found boundaries she establishes regarding intimacy.
However, it’s also important not to avoid intimacy altogether! Make her feel desired by telling her how nice she looks and don’t skimp on your daily hugs and kisses, as long as she feels comfortable with them. You can also maintain physical closeness by giving her back massages or foot rubs, which helps to sustain emotional intimacy and keep you both connected.
To all the husbands out there, while this journey may not be the easiest, it doesn’t have to be negative! Showing empathy, respect, and patience will go a long way in alleviating your wife’s worries and stress. These simple acts of love will help to remind both of you why you vowed to spend your lives together, through thick and thin!