Families For Life | Handling unsolicited parenting advice gracefully
When you become a parent, it seems like everybody wants to tell you how to raise your children. It’s hard to dodge being told to stick to stricter feeding times, use the “right” way to swaddle, or try co-sleeping, amongst many other things!
Although the advice may come from good intentions, it can be frustrating to deal with. Here are our tips on how you can manage receiving unsolicited parenting advice, without causing rifts in your relationships.
Get to know your baby
Spend time with your child and get to know them better - what their different cries mean, what they like or don’t. No matter what advice you get, you know your baby best and have the final say in the suggestions that match your principles and fit the well-being of your baby.
Build self-assurance
Every baby is unique, so what works for one baby, may not work for yours. There’s no rule that says you need to follow every single piece of advice thrown your way. Follow your intuition and be confident in the decisions you make.
Navigate around different people differently
How you respond to unsolicited advice depends on who it’s coming from. Practice mindful communication by considering their relationship to you, and their expertise in the area before responding. Here are some examples:
Handling advice from your parents
When you have a baby, just like you are adjusting to your role as a parent, your parents are also adjusting to their new role as grandparents. Their advice may come from their own experience as parents raising you.
Keep communication with them polite, yet firm and honest. You can say you appreciate the advice, but you will be the one to turn to them if you need guidance.
Handling advice from your in-laws
Your in-laws' parenting opinions may be new to you, since their experiences and beliefs are different from what you are used to.
Try turning their advice into a conversation, such as asking about their experiences raising your partner. You may also ask your partner to talk to your in-laws about the unsolicited advice, or do it together!
Handling advice from friends
Your friends who are parents are bound to share advice in areas they struggled with themselves, so that you avoid making the same mistakes they did. As it’s easier to be brutally honest with your friends, you can let them know upfront what you do not particularly agree with and the reasons for it.
On the other hand, advice from friends who are not parents yet are probably saying it out of consideration. You can acknowledge their effort for looking out for you and your baby, and say that you’ll “keep it (their advice) in mind”.
Handling advice from strangers
Advice from strangers can come at surprising times, and may be delivered in a way that makes you feel like you are putting your baby at risk. The best way to respond is to politely acknowledge the advice and move on. If it continues, you can politely tell them that you know what’s best for your baby and you are the parent, not them!
While unsolicited advice can be frustrating, it’s fine to not know everything at the start. At the end of the day, you can consult reliable sources, such as healthcare professionals or your paediatrician for guidance. Remember, you are the ultimate decision-maker, and your mental well-being and your child's well-being are the top priorities.