Families For Life | Keeping The Fire Alive After Kids

Do you remember when you and your spouse were young, wildly in love, and free from crying babies? Keeping the romance alive after welcoming your beautiful little blessings can be tricky, and you may even find yourselves drifting apart after riding your own waves for so long while working through parenthood. You wouldn’t want to continue down this path only to find yourselves on opposite banks of the river one day!

Marriage turns you into a team and you have to work together to nourish your relationship. It doesn’t take grand gestures; every little effort counts toward keeping your marriage strong and the fire ablaze. After all, a healthy love life helps build the foundation of a happy and stable home for your kids.

Here are 6 realistic ways you can keep the romance alive and rekindle your marriage after having kids.

Assess your relationship

It’s good to check how well your relationship is doing from time to time. Our Marriage Journey Quiz (OMJQ) lets you gain insights into the dynamics of your relationship. You’ll be able to find out the strengths of your relationship and areas for growth, which can help determine your next course of action to strengthen your marriage!

Set time for date nights

You’ve probably heard this before, and can’t imagine going on a date with kids around. That is completely valid, but there’s a reason why date nights are so important! They allow you to spend quality time focusing on each other and reconnecting, which helps to rebuild trust and allow you to adapt and grow together. You’ll also get to talk without distractions, which most parents can agree is a huge deal after life with kids. You fell in love by dating, so you should continue dating to stay in love!

Plan for weekly date nights with just the two of you. If you can’t find someone who can help to take care of your child while you’re out, have an at-home date! You can have an intimate dinner together, catch a movie, or play some board games after you’ve put your child to sleep. These regular, small moments of familiarity and affection will go a long way in keeping the spark alive.

Get physical again

Don’t be afraid to get touchy and be physically affectionate with each other! Physical intimacy is a tangible expression of love that helps deepen your relationship. Imagine receiving a gentle kiss on the forehead or getting a tight hug after a long day. You’ll instantly feel much better because your body will trigger the release of oxytocin that reduces stress, making you feel supported and cared for in your relationship.

So, cuddle, hold hands, kiss, or even dance regularly! Your kids might feel grossed out by the PDA but it shows them how happy and in love you are, and teaches them what a strong marriage looks like.

Stay playful

Romance can be found in the playful and fun parts of your relationship. Leave secret notes for each other around the house or keep having inside jokes that make the two of you burst into laughter. Your days don’t have to be filled with mundane routines. Keep it lively and fill the house with laughter and love.

Continue telling your spouse how much you love and appreciate them. Add in a compliment every now and then, like mentioning how nice they look or how well they’re doing. This reassures them and will definitely put a smile on their face!

Be on the same page

Reigniting the spark sometimes boils down to fostering mutual respect. You may not always agree on everything and your parenting styles may also be different. That’s okay because what matters most is how you approach these differences. Practise honest and open communication so you are united as a team and can parent effectively. This not only provides a stable and loving environment for your kids but also strengthens your relationship as you cultivate mutual support. After all, effectively overcoming challenges together only brings you closer.

Choose each other

You chose each other when you said your vows, but marriage is a continuous decision to stay committed to each other through the good and the bad. You forgive, learn, and grow together. At the end of the day, keeping the fire alive requires effort and a determination to never give up.

So, work through any obstacles together and keep choosing each other, again and again!