Families For Life | Meeting your spouse's love needs through their love style

At the heart of strong marriages is the underlying awareness of how your spouse prefers to be loved, otherwise known as their love style. Learning your love styles helps create meaningful connections and builds a lifelong partnership if you and your spouse reciprocate accordingly.

Navigating these differences may be awkward at first, but when you and your spouse lean into each other’s love style, you set the stage for more warmth, intimacy, trust, and special memories of your married journey. This article will help you discover your love styles and simple ways to effectively show your unwavering dedication to each other!

What are the different love styles?

PREP has identified six love styles that are complementary but distinct from the Five Love Languages. These are:

1. “Doing”

To you, actions speak louder than words. Seeing your spouse help out with your tasks makes you feel cared for and reminds you that both of you are in it together.

2. “Being”

This love style is all about quality time. You love it when you and your spouse enjoy activities together without distractions, being present and in the moment with each other.

3. “Giving”

Do you light up at the idea of thoughtful gifts from your spouse? It doesn’t have to be expensive; even a handwritten note makes you feel seen. If so, you have the “giving” love style!

4. “Encouraging”

Spouses with an “encouraging” love style are ready to be our number one supporter. They build us up when we feel insecure and help us explore outside our comfort zones.

5. “Talking”

Spouses with a “talking” love style seek opportunities to connect through discussion. They feel seen when you check in, ask for their opinions, and express your feelings verbally.

6. “Touching”

Is your spouse often holding your hand, seeking to cuddle, or likes to be physically close to you? They may have a “touching” love style! Whether the touch is playful, comforting, or romantic, these gestures tell them you have their back (literally and metaphorically).

Why should I know my love style?

We typically show love in the way we want to be loved, but this could be the reason why our feelings and good intentions get lost in translation. You may have bought dinner out of consideration for your spouse’s time, but if your spouse had planned to prepare dinner together with you, the mismatch may leave you both feeling awkward. Tuning into your spouse’s preferred love style will help you know the types of things you can say or do for them.

To get an idea of your love style, you and your spouse can ask these questions:

  • When do you feel most appreciated/loved by your spouse?

  • How do you naturally show your affection? Is it through helping, giving, speaking, or physical closeness?

  • Are there times when you felt your partner’s efforts weren’t quite right? What would have made you feel even more loved?

  • What actions or words from your spouse mean the most to you when you’re having a tough day?

  • What makes you feel secure and happy in your relationship?

How do I show my love style?

Once you’ve identified your love styles, the next step is to learn and meet the love needs of your spouse. It’s about being intentional and thoughtful in everyday moments. Here are some ideas you can implement today, tailored to each love style!

“Doing”

  • Offer to take on chores

  • Complete errands before your spouse gets to them

  • Help organise your spouse’s workspace or personal items (with their permission!)

  • Ask if you can help with any of their pending tasks, and follow through

“Being”

  • Take the initiative to plan couples' activities or date nights

  • Put away all distractions, like phones or laptops, when you’re together

  • Try new hobbies as a couple, or accompany your spouse to their hobbies

  • Explore parallel play

“Giving”

  • Surprise your spouse with a “just because” treat like their favourite bubble tea

  • Create a playlist with songs that remind you of your spouse

  • Occasionally offer to pay for items your spouse wants

  • Send your spouse a short, loving message

“Encouraging”

  • Compliment your spouse’s outfit

  • Reaffirm and believe in your spouse’s confidence, especially when they are struggling

  • Compliment your spouse to others when you are together

  • Sound out your love often; say “I love you,” “You mean the world to me,” or “I’m grateful for you” to them

“Talking”

  • Listen intently when your spouse is talking

  • Don’t be quick to offer solutions; hear out their perspective first!

  • Ask relevant follow-up questions

  • Include your spouse’s opinions when making a decision

“Touching”

  • Kiss your spouse on the cheek or forehead before you leave for work

  • Walk through malls or parks while holding their hand

  • Give shoulder or back massages, especially if your spouse had a long day

  • Teasingly nudge or tickle them to lighten the mood

Intentional acts of love will grow a lasting bond

As you practice honouring your spouse’s love style, you’ll find new ways to support, celebrate and love each other. Stay curious about each other and let your expressions of love evolve with your relationship. The simple, consistent effort to meet your spouse’s love needs can grow a married bond that feels safe, joyful, and deeply fulfilling.