Families For Life | Navigating different parenting styles between in-laws

When you start a family, it’s natural for your parents and your in-laws to be involved in parenting your children. However, you’ll likely have to deal with conflicting parenting styles on both sides. It is a given since each family has unique beliefs and values, but the clash may leave you and your spouse unsure while your little ones are confused about which rules to follow. Read on for our tips to help you navigate conflicting parenting styles from your in-laws.

Find the best of both worlds

Before you jump in to correct your in-laws’ parenting choices, remind yourself that every parent (grandparents included!) has a child’s best interest at heart. Even if it may not look like it at first, your in-laws may have chosen to do certain things because they believe it will benefit your child best.

Be open to adopting what works and leaving what doesn’t. Find a common ground where both in-law parenting styles can work without causing confusion. At the same time, stay clear on your non-negotiables. The goal here is to build a routine that feels right for your family while respecting where your in-laws are coming from.

Listen and ask

On the topic of respecting where your in-laws are coming from, conflicts often start because the parties involved lack an understanding of the reasons behind certain parenting choices. It's possible that the method worked for your in-laws, it was a longstanding family value, or they felt it was the best decision at the time.

The next time your in-laws choose a particular parenting approach, ask your in-laws why they chose to do that. Be curious and respectful. When your in-laws open up, listen attentively. They may have some valuable insights and points which you might not have considered before. Try not to project your biases, assumptions and insecurities; withholding your opinions can open a space for connection. The key is to understand their point of view so you can work towards the best of both worlds when parenting your children.

Stand united with your spouse

At the end of the day, remember that it is your family. You and your spouse get the final choice in how to raise your children. It’s important for both of you to be clear on your parenting values and stand as a united team in front of your in-laws.

Be each other's advocates and support systems. When addressing issues with in-laws, affirm your spouse’s choices and take the lead in setting boundaries, if needed. This sends a clear message that you both value each other first and are on each other’s side, even if the in-laws insist they are right.

Bond as a family

No matter if you agree or disagree with your in-laws, they still play a big role in your child’s world. Making them feel part of your family can soften tension and open up avenues for understanding and cooperation in parenting your children.

Plan outings together, share meals, or establish new routines with your in-laws included. These experiences build trust and remind everyone that you’re a family. You won’t see eye to eye on everything, and that’s okay! Strong families are built from choosing connection over fighting over who’s right.

Conclusion

Dealing with in-laws can sometimes be challenging. However, don’t let that rob the joy of parenting away from you and your spouse. It is choosing what works for your children. With the right approach and some patience, you can create family dynamics that are respectful, loving, and less stressful for everyone involved.