Families For Life | Newly Weds, Don't Fall for These Communication Traps

The key to a strong marriage is maintaining great communication. As you and your spouse settle down together and things seem to be going well, you might even think to yourself, “How hard can that be?”. Yet, communication traps are often subtle, making them easy to miss, especially when we’re angry or stressed!

If you’re reading this, you’re taking a great first step towards building effective communication in your marriage! Here are some common communication traps and what you can do to counter them to strengthen your relationship!

Trap #1: Escalation

When things get heated, it can be difficult to communicate well. Frustration mounts and we might become hostile and agitated! 

This can lead to an escalation of conflict – the moment when either side begins responding negatively to the other. This could manifest as attacks on you or your spouse’s personality or character and can easily turn a disagreement over a small issue into a big fight!

Try this: Thankfully, escalation is easy to catch and correct. If you feel like the conflict is getting heated, call for a time out to help you and your partner reset. Once both of you have calmed down, you can return to the issue and work towards a solution together.

Trap #2: Invalidation

A common communication pitfall, invalidation occurs when we feel judged for sharing our thoughts and concerns. Invalidation can present itself as snide remarks, sarcasm, or even speaking with contempt and belittling each other in conversations. This often leads to either party sharing less with each other, thus creating strains in the relationship.

Try this: The next time your partner expresses a fear or concern, put away the distractions and offer them a listening ear. Show your partner that you understand them, even if you might not fully agree with their take on the situation. By validating their emotions, you can help them feel safer when sharing their feelings with you. Mutual respect of each other’s feelings will make your relationship much stronger!

Trap #3: Negative Interpretations

We’ve all had moments of frustration with our partners. Marriage isn’t always smooth sailing, and this is normal! However, in heated moments, we become more susceptible to negative interpretations and might assume the worst about our partner during the conflict! 

Try this: Be more aware of your thoughts during heated moments and fight the urge to assume the worst or make accusations. By remaining calm and accommodating, you can improve the dynamics of your relationship! If you have misinterpreted a situation, don’t forget to apologise and communicate your concerns!

Trap #4: Withdrawal

Disagreements can be overwhelming. For some of us, our way of coping is to withdraw from the conversation by stepping away or mentally tuning out and disengaging. This can happen if one party feels like they are being blamed or criticised or overloaded with too much information too quickly.

Try this: If you or your partner tend to withdraw from conflict, work together to find a way to approach heavy topics without overwhelming each other! Even adjusting the timing of engaging heavy topics or changing the approach can help a lot!

Marriage comes with its ups and downs but with better communication, you and your loved one can navigate the storms and build a long-lasting marriage!