Families For Life | How Do I Talk To My Own Family

You would think talking to your family would be a straightforward task. But with change being the only inevitable constant in life, even members of the same household can find themselves on opposing sides. From differing allegiances in terms of sports teams to preferred brands of fabric softeners, everyone has opinions and beliefs of their own. Given your proximity to family members (having grown up under the same roof), there will surely be instances that call for difficult conversations to be had.

From trivial matters like lifting the toilet seat to full-blown interventions regarding impulse buys, here are some pointers for having conversations with the people you love, rely on, and see on a regular basis.

Patience and Preparedness go hand in hand

When dealing with a heavier subject matter, prepare your words in advance. Should the issue surround a topic that is deemed sensitive to your family, remember to be considerate. Recall similar past incidents the household has tackled and devise a strategy to arrive at a more positive outcome than before. It might take time for the recipient to internalise your words, so exercise patience when waiting for their response. Instead of quick interruptions, remember to listen to their responses carefully before you react.

It’s About Finding the Right Words and Timing

Bringing emotional baggage to any conversation will only affect it negatively. Instead, remain positive and picture the best possible direction the interaction can take before engaging your family. Consider each other’s commitments and establish a fixed time and space for words, which allows all parties to prepare. In a conducive space, you can avoid distractions like noise or interruptions from derailing the agenda.

Respect Each Other’s Boundaries

A hallmark of any relationship is respect - a mutual unspoken understanding that you have to consider each other’s feelings, values, and beliefs. Gen Z terms might not translate well to family members who grew up in a different era from yours (don’t call your mom bruh). Be mindful of each other’s circumstances and remember that respect is a two-way street so avoid personal attacks and other forms of hostility.

Ending the Conversation

When you’ve arrived at a conclusion, it’s best to avoid ending it there. A brief summary of the issues addressed and solutions developed can help drive the message you were trying to convey home. Even if you didn’t manage to steer the conversation towards your desired outcome, thank your family for their time and let them know that you appreciate their willingness to listen and how much you love them.

Always remember that your family members have seen you throughout almost every stage of your life, from achievements to setbacks. They were present at your highs and lows, so there really is no need to feel embarrassed or nervous around them.

Restarting your Family Ties

If time or distance has eroded your familial ties, casual conversations can also help reestablish those bonds. Something as simple as asking if they’ve caught the latest episode of the K-Drama you both follow or letting your children chat with their grandparents won’t just help you reconnect with family, but connect generations too. In time, when it comes to family, you'll grow to realise that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side but where you water it with the right words