Your wedding is the moment when not only do you legally become one, but you pledge yourself to each other personally and fully. Many couples take this moment to express their love for each other in a unique and special way by writing their own wedding vows and making it a part of the wedding ceremony itself.

Whilst it’s a lovely idea, if you are getting married in a religious ceremony, you might want to check with your church, mosque or temple to see if you are allowed to add personal vows into the ceremony. In some cases this may not be possible.

However, it can still be something you do for each other on the day itself. You can still write personal vows and share them with each other in a quiet and private moment before or after the ceremony, or you could even share them during the celebratory gathering after the ceremony itself. 

Writing Your Vows

If you have decided to write your own wedding vows what should you do first? What steps can you take to make the experience as positive and meaningful as possible? Here are 7 tips which will help both of you to prepare and write vows which are meaningful, special and unique.

1. Will Your Vows be Private or Shared?

Decide if you want to share your personal vows with friends and family at the wedding itself or if you want to share them privately with each other. Both options are great. The first allows you to share your story with the people who are nearest and dearest to you. 

However, if you feel very nervous, or are shy about sharing your feelings with a wider audience, then saying them privately to each other is just as meaningful. After all, the promises you make are to each other, and if you prefer to keep them private and personal, that does not in any way detract from how sincere and significant your vows are.

2. Will it be a Joint Effort or a Surprise?

Some couples want to surprise each other with their vows on the day itself. Others see it as a joint effort. Decide which you feel most comfortable with. If you do decide to keep them a surprise, then spend some time together agreeing on the guidelines that you will both follow.

3. Agree on Guidelines Before You Start

This is important as it will allow both your vows to appear as 2 halves of a whole. Remember that even though you are reciting and perhaps even writing them separately, they are your first joint promise as a married couple. It makes sense then that there should be a sense of symmetry and harmony between both your vows. 

Talk about how long you want your vows to be. What sort of tone would you like? Will they be serious or will they be humorous? Will you have a theme to write about? Will they be in the form of a letter to each other? A poem? A song?

4. Write from the Heart

These are your vows and you should write straight from the heart. Think about your special love story. Ask yourself a few questions such as: 

  • How did you meet?

  • What do you love about your spouse?

  • When did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life together?

  • What does getting married mean to you?

  • Are there any special promises you want to make to each other? 

  • Is there a moving or funny anecdote which you want to share?

5. Be Yourself

On this day you should be yourself. Don’t feel that you need to stick to any specific format. If you want to sing your vows, write a poem or make a video, this is the moment to do it. 

6. Think about the Logistics

Think about where you’ll be saying them and what you will be doing. Where will each of you be standing, will you need notes? Will you have to hold a microphone or will it be on a stand? Will guests at the back of the room be able to hear you? If they are not part of the wedding ceremony itself, when and where will they be shared? 

7. Practice!

Practice saying your vows! Record yourself if you are not sure about how you sound. Are you speaking too fast? Will you be able to say them without crying? Will you be able to have notes on hand or would it feel more natural for you if you memorized them so that you could look into each other’s eyes when you say them?