Families For Life | My spouse and I don't see eye-to-eye!

It happens to every couple. A disagreement that spirals into a major argument, and suddenly, you find yourselves stuck. The good news? Not seeing eye-to-eye is natural in a relationship. All couples fight, and disagreements aren’t actually all that bad. If handled well, they can strengthen your relationship and marriage by resolving underlying issues. The key isn’t to avoid conflict at all. It’s about dealing with it constructively. Read on to find out how.

Talk it out, the right way

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you don’t really mean. That’s why setting some ground rules helps. Agree to speak kindly, and if anyone feels overwhelmed in the argument, to take a timeout. This gives both of you a chance to calm down and revisit the conflict in a more constructive and less hurtful way.

When you do start talking, try using “I” statements to avoid criticism and blame, such as “I feel unheard when you keep interrupting me” or “I feel worried when you do not come home on time without texting me”. Doing this clearly conveys feelings and needs, which you and your partner can then address together.

Listen, understand, then reply

One of the biggest tricks to healthy communication is active listening. That means hearing what your partner is saying in an argument without mentally preparing your rebuttal while they are talking. Repeat what they said in your own words to show you truly heard them. This alone can defuse defensiveness and pave the way for honest dialogue. Only when they are heard should you share your perspective calmly, clearly, and respectfully.

Uncover the underlying issue

Often, what you are arguing about isn’t really what’s bothering you. It may not actually be about the chores, but about feeling unappreciated. The fight may have started over money, but the underlying issue may be about insecurity or being overwhelmed by pressure. Married couples who take time to explore the true source of conflict are generally better at resolving it permanently, and therefore strengthening their relationship with each other.

Fight to resolve, not win

Disagreements are not battles to be won. It is actually you and your spouse fighting against a problem. This is why you should approach conflict as a team, and not against each other. Discuss the issue together, compromise where needed, and work toward a solution that meets both your needs.

Write a happy ending

At the end of the day, remember why you got married, that you love each other and that you and your spouse are in this for the long run. After you have resolved the conflict, reconnect with that emotion with an apology, a hug, a light conversation, or even something playful and intimate to lighten the mood.

A little help can go a long way, too

When the problem seems insurmountable, seeking external support can help you navigate complex issues more effectively. You can start with our Mini Marriage PREP Tips and enriching programmes you can sign up for as a couple to learn additional tips and strategies for conflict resolution, so you can address disagreements more effectively and grow stronger bonds together.

Resources:

https://familiesforlife.sg/pages/Article/Fighting-for-Your-Relationship

https://familiesforlife.sg/pages/Article/handling-conflicts-as-a-couple?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://www.empoweredconnectionscounseling.com/blog/2022/4/6/when-you-dont-see-eye-to-eye

https://www.empoweredconnectionscounseling.com/blog/2022/1/14/how-to-de-escalate-conflict-in-your-relationship