Families For Life | What to do if you're not the favourite parent?

You may have been the favourite child in the family, but are you the favourite parent in yours now? If you’re not the one your child is always looking for, what can you do about it? Should you feel hurt, and is it even important to be the favourite parent in the bigger scheme of bringing your child up? Read on to learn what you can do about it!

It’s Normal not to be the Favourite Parent

It is normal for a child to favour one parent over the other, but it does not mean your child does not love you if you’re not the favourite parent. Favouritism typically arises during routines like sleeping, bathing, playing and eating, where your child might prefer a certain parent’s interactions over the other’s. Sometimes, a child might relate to a parent of the same gender because they have similar interests and hobbies that they can share. In any of these cases, it is a healthy sign of your child's independence in choice-making and not a measure of their love for you.

It can be Exhausting Being the Favourite Parent

“I want Papa to put me to bed” or “I only want Mummy to feed me” may sound endearing, but to a favourite parent, it gets tough and exhausting being the go-to for everything your child needs. If your spouse is the favourite parent, it’s important to check in on them occasionally to see how he or she is coping. If that parent is your wife, you could play a bigger part in the parenting duties as a father, which actually helps in forming a stronger bond with your child and maybe becoming the “favourite” parent yourself!

Share the Love

If you are the favourite parent, acknowledge the hurt your spouse might be feeling and perhaps speak positively about him or her to your child. You could also include your spouse in more of the activities that your child prefers to do with you.

On the other hand, if you are not the favourite parent, try to discover why that could be the case. If you are the one always doing the disciplining, it may be time to talk to your spouse about presenting a more united front to your child. This also means doing more fun things with him or her to balance it out. Your child may have interests and hobbies that are not aligned with yours. Take this opportunity to pick these interests and hobbies up to connect with him or her better. It’s a win-win either way!

Being a Parent is so much more than Being the Favourite

It's about unconditional love, guidance, and support. The key word is unconditional. So even if you are not the “favourite” parent, those important parenting skills still significantly impact your child’s life. Keep at good parenting, support each other, and one day, they'll look back and realise just how awesome you were in their formative years and now!