Families For Life | Body Image: Pre-teens and Teenagers

What is body image?

Your body image is how and what you think and feel about your body. It includes the picture of your body that you have in your mind, which might or might not match your body’s actual shape and size.

A positive or healthy body image is feeling happy and satisfied with your body, as well as being comfortable with and accepting the way you look.

A negative or unhealthy body image is feeling unhappy with the way you look. People who feel like this might want to change their body weight or shape.

Body image can change through your lifetime.

A healthy body image is important. When you feel good about your body, you are more likely to have good self-esteem and mental health as well as a balanced attitude to eating and physical activity.

A healthy body image in childhood can lay the foundations for good physical and mental health later in life. An unhealthy body image in childhood can have long-lasting consequences.

Body image in pre-teens and teenagers: influences

Your child’s body image is influenced by many factors.

These factors include family environment, ability or disability, the attitudes of peers, social media, cultural background and more.

Puberty is also a big influence. During puberty, your child’s body is going through many changes. At the same time, fitting in and looking the same as other people becomes more important.

You have an influence on your child’s body image too. There is a lot you can do to help your child develop a positive body image, including:

talking and listening with your child
focusing on your child as a whole person
being a positive body image role model.

Talking about bodies and body image with pre-teens and teenagers

Your child needs your help to sort through and understand messages about their body.

Sometimes you can help just by actively listening to how your child is feeling about the physical changes of puberty. This means really paying attention to your child’s concerns and showing that you care and are interested in what they are saying. If your child is feeling confused, you can reassure them that the changes are a natural part of growing up.

It is also good to talk with your child about images on social media and other media. Some images set unrealistic ideals for pre-teens and teenagers. But you can help by explaining how the images are often digitally manipulated so that people look more ‘beautiful’ than they really are.

If your child is not talking or opening up to you, they might like to talk with another trusted adult. They could also:

contact Tinkle Friend Helpline (1800 274 4788), from Monday-Friday, between 2.30pm and 5pm for primary-school-aged children
contact TOUCHline (1800-377-2252), from Monday-Friday, 9am-6pm (excluding public holidays) for youth aged 13 and above.

Focusing on the whole person

This is about praising your child for who they are and what they can do, rather than their size or shape.

You can let your child know that you are proud of them for things that are not related to appearance. This might include your child’s sense of humour, effort at school, helpfulness or other special skills.

You can also help your child spend time on interests and activities that make them feel good.

You can send your child positive messages about themselves by focusing on what their body can do, rather than how their body looks. For example, you can say, “Wow, you hit that ball a long way”, rather than “Gosh, you have got strong arm muscles”.

Being a positive body image role model

If you show that you feel positive about your own body, it will be easier for your child to be positive about their body. A positive attitude includes:

making healthy eating and physical activity part of your everyday family life
avoiding fad or crash diets
accepting your genetics and talking about how this influences body size and shape
appreciating your own body for what it can do, not just how it looks
being proud of things in yourself that are not related to appearance
accepting and valuing people for what they do, and not commenting on how people look.

Sometimes unhelpful body attitudes can show up in subtle comments and messages without us really being aware of it. For example, we might see a friend and say something like, “You look great – you have lost so much weight!” Comments like these can add up and influence the way children feel about their bodies.

It is important to let everyone in your family know that teasing someone about their weight or appearance is not okay. Teasing can have a negative influence on body image and can also lead to bullying.

Pre-teen and teenage body image concerns: signs to watch out for

It is common for pre-teens and teenagers to be conscious of their bodies and want to lead a healthy lifestyle.

But there are signs that your child is focusing too much on their body, including stress and anxiety about how they look. Your child might show this by:

criticising their body – for example, they might say they are fat or ugly
continually comparing their body with others
not wanting to leave the house because of the way they look
not doing activities or trying new things because of the way they feel about their body
obsessing about weight or about specific parts of their body, like their face, stomach or legs
talking about wanting to have surgery or other cosmetic procedures
spending a lot of time looking in the mirror, taking photos or looking for changes and imperfections
covering their body up with loose and baggy clothes
linking food with feelings of guilt, shame or blame.

If you think your child is experiencing any of these signs, start by talking with them about your concerns. If things do not change and you are still worried, talk to your General Practitioner or another health professional.

If your child wants to eat differently or do more exercise, that is okay – but make sure it is for health reasons and that their eating or exercising does not become extreme. Let your child know that healthy eating and physical activity are not just for weight control – they are vital for physical health, now and in the future.

Effects of unhealthy body image in pre-teens and teenagers

Unhealthy pre-teen and teenage body image is directly related to low self-esteem, which can lead to anxiety, anger and low mood.

Young people who are feeling down are more likely to focus on the negative messages around them and make negative comparisons between their bodies and what they see as ‘ideal’ bodies. Low self-esteem and poor body image are risk factors for the development of risky weight loss strategies, eating disorders and mental health disorders like depression.

Some pre-teens and teenagers with unhealthy body image might talk about wanting to have cosmetic surgery to change their body. If this sounds like your child, it is a good idea to talk with them about why. If you are concerned about your child’s interest in cosmetic surgery, talk with your General Practitioner or another health professional.

People of all genders can be affected by body image issues but in different ways. For example, teenage girls who do not like their bodies often want to lose weight and be thinner. Teenage boys often want to tone their body, be taller or have more muscles.

Negative body image: risk factors for pre-teens and teenagers

Some children are more likely than others to feel unhappy about their bodies. Pre-teens and teenagers might be more at risk of developing unhealthy body image if they:

feel pressure from family, peers or media to fit into narrow ideas of beauty
have a different body shape or weight from their peers
get ideas about ‘ideal’ bodies from media images and influencers
feel the need to be perfect
focus too much on appearance and how others see them
compare themselves with others
have low self-esteem or symptoms of depression
belong to a friendship, sport or dance group that emphasises a certain body type
have physical disabilities.

Teenage children in general, teenage girls in particular and young people who are overweight are also more likely to feel negative about their bodies or have an unhealthy body image.

Body image for pre-teens and teenagers with special needs

Developing a healthy body image can be harder for pre-teens and teenagers with special needs, especially if they have a physical disability or their bodies cause them pain and difficulty. Your child might also feel left out of discussions about body image because people with their body type are not often seen in the media.

Not everyone gets a ‘standard’ body. You can talk about healthy body image with your child and emphasise that it includes all types of bodies, even ones that do not fit popular ideals.