Families For Life | Anxiety in Pre-teens and Teenagers

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Anxiety in children is more common than many parents realise. At this age, worries about school performance, friendships, and the wider world can feel very real and very big. A little anxiety is normal and even healthy — it's the body's way of preparing for challenges. But when anxiety starts getting in the way of daily life, your child needs more than reassurance. They need your help learning how to work through it.

Recognising anxiety in your child

Anxiety doesn't always look like worrying. It can show up as stomachaches before school, frequent trips to the sick bay, clinginess, sleep difficulties, irritability, or avoidance of activities they used to enjoy. Getting familiar with how anxiety shows up in your specific child makes it easier to respond early.

Listen first, fix later

When your child expresses worry, the temptation is to immediately reassure them — "You'll be fine!" or "There's nothing to worry about." While well-meaning, this can unintentionally signal that their feelings are wrong or inconvenient. Instead, start by acknowledging what they're feeling. A simple "That sounds really stressful. Tell me more about it" can make your child feel genuinely heard, which is often the first step to calming down.

Help them name and understand their feelings

Children this age are still developing emotional vocabulary. Helping them label what they're feeling — nervous, scared, overwhelmed — gives them a sense of control over something that can otherwise feel formless and frightening. You might also gently explain that anxiety is the body trying to protect them, and that the feeling, while uncomfortable, will pass.

Teach simple calming strategies

Equip your child with tools they can use in the moment. Slow, deep breathing is one of the most effective and accessible — try breathing in for four counts, holding for four, and out for four. Grounding techniques, like noticing five things they can see around them, can also help bring an anxious child back to the present. Practise these during calm moments so they feel natural when anxiety strikes.

Encourage facing fears, gently

Avoidance is anxiety's best friend. When children consistently avoid the things that make them anxious, the fear tends to grow rather than shrink. Where it's safe and appropriate, gently encourage your child to face their worries in small, manageable steps — with your support alongside them. Progress, however small, builds confidence.

Know when to seek help

If your child's anxiety is persistent, intense, or significantly affecting their schooling, friendships, or sleep, it's worth speaking to a professional. Your general practitioner, school counsellor, or child psychologist can offer assessment and support tailored to your child's needs. Seeking help early is a sign of good parenting, not failure.

If you want to learn more about how to support your child when they are feeling anxious, visit the link below:
Parenting For Wellness | Supporting your child when they are feeling anxious