Families For Life | Requests and Instructions: Helping Children Cooperate-Toddlers
Toddlers do not always follow instructions right away, and that is a normal part of development. You can encourage cooperation by being clear about when you are giving a choice and when you expect your child to do something. A good balance of requests and instructions helps toddlers build confidence while learning important rules and routines.
Requests and Instructions: What's the Difference?
A request gives your toddler a choice.
For example:
“Would you like to help me put the toys away?”
“Do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes?”
An instruction tells your toddler what needs to happen.
For example:
“Please put the toys in the box now.”
“Put on your shoes, please.”
Being clear helps your toddler understand what you expect. Too many instructions can lead to resistance, while offering choices can increase cooperation and give your child a sense of control.
How to Encourage Cooperation
For everyday situations, try offering simple choices whenever possible. For example, “It's time to get dressed. Would you like the dinosaur shirt or the striped shirt?” Giving a choice within a limit helps toddlers feel involved while still moving things along.
Save firm instructions for important matters, especially safety. For example:
Holding your hand when crossing the road
Sitting safely in a car seat
Being gentle with others
If a safety instruction is ignored, respond calmly and consistently with an appropriate consequence. For example, if your child refuses to hold your hand, stop walking until they do.
Giving Effective Instructions
Toddlers are more likely to cooperate when instructions are simple and easy to understand.
Before speaking:
Move close to your child.
Get down to their eye level.
Use their name.
Speak calmly and clearly.
Keep instructions short and give one at a time. For example, say “Toys away” rather than giving several directions at once.
Tell your child what you want them to do instead of what not to do. For example:
“Please keep your food on the table” instead of “Don't throw your food.”
“Walk beside me” instead of “Don't run.”
Toddlers often need reminders. A gentle repeat of the instruction is usually more effective than raising your voice.
Praise Cooperation
Notice and praise your toddler when they cooperate. Simple comments such as “Thank you for helping tidy up” or “You followed instructions so well” encourage them to repeat the behaviour.
Daily routines can also help. When activities such as getting dressed, tidying up, bath time and bedtime happen in the same order each day, toddlers know what to expect and are more likely to cooperate.
When Your Toddler Doesn't Cooperate
Sometimes toddlers do not cooperate because they are tired, hungry, upset or unsure what to do. At other times, they may simply be testing limits as part of normal development.
If your toddler seems overwhelmed, break the task into smaller steps and show them what to do. For example, instead of saying “Clean up your toys,” start with “Put the blocks in the box.”
You may also have more success by making tasks fun. Turning tidying up into a race, singing a clean-up song, or pretending to be helpers can make everyday tasks more appealing.
Key Takeaway
Remember to focus on the most important expectations, especially those related to safety. Stay calm, consistent and loving. Over time, your toddler will learn to follow instructions, cooperate with others and develop greater independence.