Families For Life | Biting, Pinching and Hair-Pulling-Toddlers
It can be upsetting when your toddler bites, pinches or pulls someone’s hair. Although these behaviours can be challenging, they are quite common during the toddler years. Young children are still learning how to manage their feelings, communicate their needs and interact with others.
Why Toddlers Behave This Way
Toddlers may bite, pinch or pull hair for different reasons:
They are curious and want to see what happens when they do something.
They feel frustrated, angry, tired or overwhelmed but do not yet have the words to express themselves.
They want attention from adults.
They are copying behaviours they have seen from other children.
Understanding what triggered the behaviour can help you respond more effectively.
How to Respond Calmly
When your toddler hurts someone, try to stay calm. Strong reactions such as shouting may give the behaviour more attention and make it happen again.
Instead:
Move in quickly and stop the behaviour.
Use simple and firm words such as, “No biting. Biting hurts.”
Comfort the child who was hurt.
Redirect your toddler to a more appropriate activity.
If needed, remove your child from the situation for a short period to help them calm down.
Be consistent. Toddlers need many opportunities to learn what behaviour is acceptable.
Teach Better Ways to Express Feelings
Toddlers often act out because they cannot express what they are feeling.
Help your child put feelings into words by saying things like:
“You look angry.”
“Are you upset because you want that toy?”
“Let's use gentle hands.”
Over time, your child will learn to communicate with words instead of using physical actions.
Praise Gentle Behaviour
Notice and praise positive behaviour whenever you can. For example:
“Thank you for using gentle hands.”
“That was kind sharing.”
“You gave your friend a nice pat.”
Positive attention encourages your toddler to repeat good behaviour.
When Your Child Hurts Another Child
If your toddler bites, pinches or pulls another child’s hair at the playground, childcare centre or a playdate:
Stay calm.
Apologise to the other child and parent.
Tell your toddler clearly that the behaviour is not okay.
Remove your child from the activity briefly if needed.
This helps your toddler understand the consequences of their actions while showing care for the child who was hurt.
When to Seek Help
Most toddlers outgrow these behaviours as their language and self-control develop. However, consider speaking with a GP or paediatrician if:
The behaviour happens very often or is becoming more severe.
Your child regularly injures others.
You feel overwhelmed or unsure how to manage the behaviour.
The behaviour is affecting family life, childcare or social outings.
Getting support early can help you better understand your child's needs and learn strategies that work for your family.
Key Message
Biting, pinching and hair-pulling are common toddler behaviours. By staying calm, setting clear limits and teaching your child how to express feelings appropriately, you can help them develop positive social skills over time.