Becoming married seems like the dream of a lifetime to many, but what happens after marriage? It’s easy to fall into the same old routines once you’ve been married for a while, and with work and the kids piling up, it can be hard to hold on to that magic that brought the two of you together in the first place. Here are a few signs your marriage could use some spicing up.  


1. You can’t quite remember the excitement of romance 

Do you remember the whirl of romance or the butterflies in your stomach that came with your courtship and marriage? If you don’t or haven’t felt that way in a while, it may be a sign that your marriage could use a boost.


Small gestures like a kiss every morning or intentionally checking in once in a while can go a long way to keep the fires burning, and bigger gestures like taking a trip away together or doing a couples course can act as a bigger push. Keeping yourselves interested in one another is one of the first things you should do in a healthy marriage, so get out the chocolates and flowers, and spend some time together away from the children! 


2. You don’t see each other very much 

It is a common problem that spouses don’t get to see each other very much due to work or conflicting schedules. This can create a rift in marriages as you are less there for each other, and communication can stall.


Try to have at least one meal together as a family per day, and do your best to coordinate your schedules so they don’t clash. Intentionally cut out time for each other and don’t be afraid to say no to other scheduling conflicts. This is your family after all!

3. You keep talking about the same things 

A telling sign that your marriage is growing stale is when your conversations with each other do not vary much. It can be easy to get caught up in daily life and always be worrying about the kids or the upkeep of the home. This monotony can filter into your conversations.


Make an effort to ask after each other’s feelings and well-being and try to discuss interesting parts of your lives. In other words, take an interest in what you each have to share, talk it out, and soon you will be communicating with vigour and affection.  


4. You feel a little bored when you are together 

Your spouse should be the person who makes you the most comfortable and happy, so a sign of a waning marriage is if being with them starts to feel boring or even uncomfortable. This can be due to poor communication, differing expectations, or it could just be that you both have let that spark die down so that you have begun to think and feel differently about your relationship. 


The first step should always be trying to communicate with each other clearly again, and do things to keep the flame alive. If help is needed, couples counselling is always a safe route to take. Don’t be afraid to take the steps that will be best for you and your marriage. 


Families for Life has a variety of marriage programmes that can give the support you need. These courses offer help for couples at all stages of relationships and marriage on issues ranging from improving communication to planning for the future.