Families For Life | Helping kids handle exam stress

Exam season is just around the corner! This means the sight of your child at their desk, poring over their notes and working through the ten-year series, is becoming the norm at home. You might also notice your child becoming crankier or tense.

For many children – whether primary school students or teens – the fear of disappointing their parents or losing respect from peers if they fail a subject can lead to exam stress. Here are some things we can do to help our children get through the exam period.

But first, let’s talk about self-regulation

Self-regulation refers to an individual’s ability to identify stressors in their environment and adjust their thoughts and behaviours accordingly to cope. Children aren’t born with this skill. They will need to be taught and given opportunities to practise under the guidance of a trusted adult – that’s you!

As you help your child manage their exam stress, you’ll need to tune in and respond to your child’s needs while helping them guide their thoughts. It’s a subtle process of offering care and fostering self-regulation.

These tips can help you guide your child through stress!

#1 Establish routines

Creating consistent and predictable routines can help your child feel safe and secure. You can do this by making a timetable at home. Sit down together and strategise! Which topics should your child spend more time on? Which topics are important? When you’re setting time for routines like mealtimes and bedtimes, don’t forget to schedule play time and time for physical activity!

Creating a structured, predictable, and supportive environment can foster self-regulation by providing your child with a physically and emotionally safe space to explore and learn.

#2 Validate their feelings

When your child shares their emotions with you, being judgmental or showing disapproval might dissuade your child from sharing their problems with you. It’s important to keep calm, listen, and react appropriately, especially when your child is stressed.

Soothe your child and help them calm down before reasoning with them. Giving hugs and using a calm voice can work wonders and teach your child how to manage and regulate overwhelming emotions.

#3 Talk to your child

What you say to your child can make a difference. Check in on them often and ask how they are feeling to allow them to work through tough emotions. Give plenty of encouragement, tell your child you care, and share concerns about their wellbeing when they’re stressed. These conversations are reminders that you support and value them regardless of how they perform in the exams.

You can also ease the pressure by reducing expectations of their performance during the exam. Avoid comparing your child to others, as it could affect their self-esteem and give them more stress. Instead, focus on their efforts: are they giving their best to prepare for the exam? Are they self-motivated to succeed? These are great habits to encourage without focusing on their academic performance.

With these tips, you can become a pillar of support and help your child brave the exam season. At the same time, you can build self-regulation skills to help cope with future stressors too. Good luck!