Families For Life | Handle conflicts and grow closer as a couple at the same time!

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how you handle it can make all the difference. In fact, disagreements can bring you closer together instead of driving you apart, if managed correctly. Let’s explore how you and your spouse can navigate conflicts healthily while strengthening your bond as a couple.

Why conflicts are a source of strength

Conflicts and disagreements often occur when there is a difference in mindsets, values, or expectations. During conflict, these differences surface and offer an opportunity for you to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. Disagreements can also reveal aspects of your partner’s perspective that you might not have been aware of before.

Sure, while conflicts may be uncomfortable and challenging to navigate, rather than avoiding them altogether, you and your partner should approach them with intention. Conflict challenges you to communicate more clearly and effectively, helping to build better teamwork, problem-solving skills, and decision-making abilities. Moreover, the understanding gained from resolving conflicts helps to adjust expectations and align your relationship goals more realistically.

Communicating effectively through conflict

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship and is especially crucial during conflict. Here are some communication tips you and your partner can learn to apply during disagreements:

1. Use the Speaker-Listener technique

In a conflict, it is challenging to make intentions clear because of clouded judgment and negative emotions. This technique ensures you or your partner have ample space to voice out your thoughts, while the other has time to process and understand what is being said. The key is slowing down the pace of the conversation so the conflict does not escalate and cause unintended or misinterpreted outcomes.

2. Use “I” statements

Using "I" statements makes conversations more approachable by focusing on the speaker's emotions and experiences, rather than resorting to criticism or blame. In disagreements, using statements like “I feel unheard when you keep interrupting me” or “I feel worried when you do not come home on time without texting me” conveys feelings and needs clearly, which you and your partner can then address together.

3. Focus on one argument at a time

A heated argument that begins from one topic can easily spiral in different directions as negative emotions escalate and feelings of resentment surface. Your ability to solve the initial problem becomes lost whilst trying to address others, causing you both to feel overwhelmed and the original argument unresolved. When this happens, it’s best to call a Time Out, regain composure, and return your focus to the main problem. You can both agree to address other issues at a more appropriate time.

4. Be mindful of your boundaries

Always treat your spouse with respect, even during heated moments. Using hurtful language, raising your voice, or bringing up past grievances will not contribute to productive conflict resolution. Focus on what truly matters by assuming good intentions, maintaining a calm demeanour, and seeking to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings before sharing your thoughts thoughtfully.

5. Put your relationship first

In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to focus on proving a point rather than finding a solution. However, winning the argument should never come at the cost of your relationship. When tensions rise, pause to reflect on some of your favorite memories and experiences as a couple. Remember how you met, why you fell in love, and what those early years together were like. When you tap back into these foundations, you are choosing to recommit yourselves to one another. You and your spouse are in this together for the long run, after all!

A little help can go a long way

Seeking external support can also be beneficial, as it can provide new perspectives and resolutions to help you navigate complex issues more effectively. From our Mini Marriage PREP Tips to enriching programmes you can sign up for as a couple, our last tip is to never hesitate to seek support when you need it. By learning additional tips and strategies for conflict resolution, you can address disagreements more effectively and keep your bond strong.