Families For Life | Talking to your teen

Conversations with our teen can have its ups and downs. While monosyllabic replies and nonchalant grunts can sound as though they are uninterested, this changing communication style is perfectly normal and just part of raising your teen.

Adolescence can be a challenging time for your child as they deal with rapid physical changes, new emotions and social dynamics. This can manifest “cold spells” in your relationship as they navigate through these emotions.

Let’s look at what you can do to engage your teen through this important phase and continue providing support, security, and safety as a parent.

Adjusting your role as a parent

When your child enters their teenage years, your relationship with them will enter a new phase. You were their nurturer and their guide when they were younger. You're still their go-to person for support and guidance now, but now you're also giving them more room to make their own choices.

At this age, your child might not appreciate instructions dictating their every move. Telling them what to do or where to go, or how to get things done, can be perceived as nagging and create barriers in your communication.

Tip: A gentle approach often works best with teens. Instead of saying 'What did you do?', try “Tell me what happened”. This small change in words invites your teen to share their story and shows you're ready to listen without judgment.

Learning to navigate sensitive topics

Topics that might be difficult to broach with your child include anything that might be embarrassing, upsetting, or controversial. These might include conversations about relationships, personal safety, academic pressure, or substance use.

In this phase of exploration and experimentation, teens are more susceptible to peer pressure and become curious about adult experiences. They might encounter situations involving alcohol, vaping, or other risky behaviors.

Your child might not have brought it up yet, but it’s a good idea to be prepared for these discussions. Starting these conversations early lets your teen know you're someone they can talk to about anything, without fear of judgment.

Tip: Avoid being critical, judgmental, or getting emotional when your child approaches you about a difficult topic. Listen to your child and give them a chance to talk through what’s happening without trying to fix the situation. If your child wants your opinion, let your child know how you would see the situation or how you would react without telling them what to do.

Make the most of every moment!

Family meals, family outings, and special one-on-one time together can give you the opportunity to engage with and stay connected with your child. Your child might not always be ready to talk, but these family activities can encourage your teen to come out of their shell and engage with you on their terms. Use these moments to share your thoughts and feelings, talk about your day or celebrate their accomplishments.

At the end of the day, despite their growing pains, your teen still loves you and you are still an important source of care, emotional support, security, and safety for them. Keep showing up for them! These years of connection will strengthen your relationship for years to come.