Families For Life | Keeping kids well-behaved at family gatherings

Do “family gatherings” invoke thoughts of screaming kids, pushy questions from relatives, and your patience wearing thin? Celebrating big family occasions or holidays with extended family sounds like a great time, but it can get hectic and stressful, especially with young children. Read on to get our tips to prepare your kids (and yourself!) for the festivities with extended family.

Why misbehaving often occur at family gatherings

Young children rely heavily on routines to manage their thoughts and emotions. Plans like family gatherings may break away from that familiarity; they are in environments they are not used to, surrounded by (many) unfamiliar people, and don’t have their usual distractions. Plus, they might be jostled around for hugs and kisses from relatives. Such situations can get overwhelming for young kids, building their stress and frustration, and leading to meltdowns.

Ensuring kids behave

Imagine: your relatives are having a conversation when it gets interrupted by a loud wail as your upset child didn’t get their way, and gone is the lively flow from before. By equipping yourself with behaviour management techniques, you can minimise meltdowns and ensure family time remains enjoyable for everyone.

When misbehaviour starts, remain calm and understand why your child might be acting up. Consider their actions and tune in to their feelings; for example, your toddler may be playing with something he shouldn’t because he found it in your relative’s room. This will help you work out how to respond and rectify the situation.

Then, consider the different options to prevent your child’s negative behaviour from escalating. One strategy is distraction to divert your child’s attention and energy into something else to calm them down. Another option to try is time-outs where you take your child away from fun activities to reflect on their bad behaviour. If your family gathering is happening at a different location, remember to check in with the hosts to find out ideal spaces you can reinforce good behaviour if needed.

Planning ahead with your child for family gatherings can also help prepare them for unexpected situations before they happen. You may want to sit down with your partner first and identify such moments: boredom, conflict with other kids, or nosy relatives. Then, talk to your child about your expectations and acceptable ways to respond when they encounter these challenging situations. You can also consider using a combination of different behaviour management strategies to ensure good behaviour is encouraged during your family gathering.

Above everything, praising good behaviour will always motivate your child to keep up with their good conduct. If you spot your child behaving in the way you want, don’t be shy about praising them! Tip: be specific with your praises so they know exactly what they’re doing well.

Managing your relatives’ expectations

As you’re trying to manage your misbehaving child, chances are your well-meaning relatives would also start offering unsolicited advice to better manage your child’s actions. This can get overwhelming and frustrating, especially when their suggestions don’t align with your parenting style. Remember that while their intentions may be good, you know what’s best for your child. Stay calm, acknowledge politely, and redirect the conversation if needed. 

You can also consider reaching out to your relatives beforehand to share about your child’s needs and preferences. For example, if your child is shy, let them know they may need time to warm up first. Providing this information in advance helps your relatives adjust their interactions, fostering a more supportive atmosphere for your child and reducing the likelihood of tension during the event.

Make family gatherings memorable

Family gatherings are a great way to reconnect and create fond family memories for you and your kids. In reality, though, things hardly ever go as planned. The best thing to do when your child misbehaves in such situations is to stay flexible, remain calm, and approach challenges with patience. With some preparation and a lot of love, you can turn the most chaotic family event into a cherished memory, for you, your child, and your extended family members. Happy holidays!